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Jekyll and Hyde

23 Mar

Rollar coaster. Up and down. Back and forth. Seesaw.

These are a few descriptions that describe my life the past few months. One day I’m thinking every woman should have triplets just for the sheer joy of having three babies (at once!) smiling and giggling up at you – it’s gotta be a glimpse of Heaven! The next, though, I’m sitting on the floor sobbing, nursing one baby with one hand while bottling another who was too impatient to nurse…while listening to the third screaming in the background. (Ok, this last picture is of yesterday.) One day I’m in love with my husband and think we should clone him…the next I’m ready to leave. (Ok, ok, this last picture was also of yesterday. Fine! You got me!!) It’s very clear to me why the divorce rate is so high among parents of multiples and even why the suicide rate is so high among MoMs. I now have a glimpse into why Jon and Kate didn’t make it (without Christ and His Spirit, how can you?!?). One day I feel like Super Woman and can accomplish all kinds of things, the next I can hardly get to brushing my teeth, let alone eating. One day the very thought of going out excites me and I’m eager for it, the next day leaving the house is a monumental task which can get me crying with feelings of overwhelming.

I hear from people all the time that God picked the right couple to have triplets. I dunno. I guess there are some days when I feel I can accomplish things – juggling three babies and their feedings, planning meals and making them, cleaning and organizing. But there are other times when one short outing leaves me as exhausted as if I’ve run an entire conference – a three hour outing = a three day conference. I am not joking. At all. Seriously.

While I’m sure some of it is the hormones that can shatter my day (do imagine the quantity of hormones – times three! – and feel sorry for what my amazing husband puts up with =)), I know it’s not all hormones. Remove them from the equation and I’m sure I’d still be writing this post. I’ve recently read another triplet mom’s blog (9 months) and she mentioned that she and her husband rarely talk about the first four months – as if it was a time of trauma. That struck me. It’s true, in a sense! There is so.much.joy. to be found in life with triplets. So much. But the intense confusion and fear, helplessness and sheer exhaustion of one first-time-brand-new baby is compounded with three. This is tough stuff, this getting three babies at once.

End the Hyde-rant.

Cue the Jekyll…

I love my babies. LOVE them. L.O.V.E. love them. I remember finding out there were three in there and feeling numbness towards them. I couldn’t drum up emotion for them for weeks and weeks – a very long, scary time. Once they were born, their super small bodies stirred a sense of awe in me…and the love began. I know it will continue to grow – as does my love for David (remember this is Jekyll =). But there is so much love for three babies. How does my heart have room? All at the same time? I love that I love Emma Claire’s long skinny body and can blow kisses anywhere and get a laugh. I love that I love to watch Makenna Mae study my face as if I’m incredibly fascinating – messy hair and make-up-less and teary-eyed and all. I love that I love Noah David’s snuggles when I get to wake him up from a nap. I wonder if these moments are so colossal for me because my time is divided into thirds. Whatever the reason, I am grateful to God for each moment that melts my heart because I think they cause my heart to contain more love. If I could go back and choose to have three babies at once, would I? Absolutely. I have heard from countless triplet mamas that they would have, also, and it amazed me. Secretly I wondered if they were lying. But now I know that it’s true – I would choose it. I LOVE that this was God’s plan for my and David’s lives. There are so many, many things I completely love about having all three of them right now, right here, right away: triple the laughs, triple the flirts, triple the hugs and snuggles, triple the fun, one pregnancy, less diapering years, the list could go on. This is really fun stuff, this getting three babies at once.

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3 Comments

Posted by on March 23, 2012 in The First Year, Triplets

 

3 responses to “Jekyll and Hyde

  1. colleenmoore0301

    March 23, 2012 at 7:10 pm

    Jenn, thanks so much for this post…I know I don’t have triplets, or even twins, but I can SO identify with everything you shared having two babies 16-1/2 months apart. Maybe not to the same extent as you, but I totally get what you’re going through, and feel better knowing it’s par for the course – this insanity I call my family life. ;). And, like you, I would chose it again! :D. I love and miss you my friend! Thanks for letting me continue to know you from afar. ;). Smooch those babies for me! ❤

     
  2. shereesmusings

    March 27, 2012 at 5:46 pm

    I’m in tears. I love how open you are; how utterly humble you are to give us such a glimpse into your exhausting, full and crazy life. I love remembering conversations when you wondered…when, Lord? I miss you. Very much.

     
  3. Granny Fountain

    April 1, 2012 at 11:15 am

    I know . . . I know . . . I know!!! Praying for you and David and assuring you that it does get easier. Regret that I have not been able to be there to help the two of you during this first year, but I’m so proud of how you have been able to handle things.

     

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