This song came on the radio the other night as I was driving alone (yes, alone!). As it began to play, especially through the chorus, I could hardly continue driving. It struck a chord so deep within me. I have experienced very few tragedies in my lifetime, for which I am VERY grateful. But there have been moments where the breath has been knocked out of me. And I’ve gone through seasons where I feel like every time I try to surface for air, I’m pushed back under. Moments of utter sadness and alone-ness. The deep aching and gnawing of pain in my heart that seems to extend to every fiber of my body.
The source hasn’t always been the same. Sometimes my agony is from the consequences of my own sin. Sometimes it’s been hurt and grief for another. Sometimes it’s just that life is plain HARD. And, more often than not, I’ve had to fight tooth and nail to trust Him. Many times I’ve felt like Jacob wrestling with God (Genesis 32). I’ve longed to be free from the fear, confusion and anxiety. Most recently, I’ve emerged from a very self-focused and limited view of my life and His plan for me. In the midst of it, I wondered where He was – why I couldn’t “see” His hand moving. I’ve thrown temper tantrums (oh yes, it’s true – complete with throwing things). I’ve sobbed in the shower, hoping the water would wash more than the tears from me. I’ve begged God for something to materialize in front of my eyes, to help me make sense of the seemingly senseless.
For all my friends who are walking through a place of suffering and shadows, He hears you. He is near.
Oh, God, thank You for being near us. Thank You for walking with us. Thank You for a Hope that our suffering will one day end and we will see the meaning in all of this.
(How Many Times from Plumb’s latest album, NEED YOU NOW)